January 3, 2000  □  Washington, D.C.

An unknown and unsuspected relationship is revealed between Richard Nixon and Steven Spielberg. When nothing seemed to work to calm Nixon’s jangled nerves, his desperate family had consulted Spielberg.

After much thought and extensive research, Spielberg devised a plan precisely suited to his subject. He made a series of home-movies of Nixon himself, doing ordinary boring things: for example, walking and swimming.

These would be shown to Nixon when his nerves required quieting. Mesmerized by seeing himself on the screen, Nixon would lose himself and relax. Only he himself had this power to sooth. It always worked.

Spielberg carried out two other clever plans, but I have forgotten what they were.

Two nights ago, on the Mall in Washington, I saw Spielberg’s millennium film An Unfinished Journey, but I have forgotten it, too.